The hidden cost of not protecting our attention
One of the patterns I see most often in my work with senior leaders is just how hard it is for them to say no.
Not because they don't know they're overloaded. They know!
Their calendars are packed. They're in back-to-back meetings. The work that requires real thought gets pushed into evenings and weekends. They have little time to step back, develop their people, look outside their immediate world or simply think.
And yet another request comes in and they still say yes. Sound familiar?
I've become increasingly interested in why saying no is so hard for otherwise confident, accomplished leaders.
I believe many of the reasons we say yes are rooted in the qualities we value in leaders.
We want to be helpful and collaborative. We want our teams to know they can count on us. We want our bosses to see us as committed. We don't want to miss something important. And, if we're honest, it feels good to be needed.
These aren't leadership flaws. Many of these qualities contributed to our success. But strengths can become liabilities when we stop choosing when and how to use them.
The result is that the more leaders say yes, the more overextended they become, and the harder it is to prioritize and step out of reaction mode.
Microsoft's research on the "infinite workday" confirms this. It found that employees are interrupted by a meeting, email or notification every two minutes during core work hours. Half of meetings occur during prime focus periods (the times of day when we do our best thinking). And 52% of leaders describe their work as chaotic and fragmented.
There's no question that the volume and pace of work have increased exponentially and saying no may feel impossible. But senior leadership has always required us to make choices about what deserves our attention and today this is even more critical.
Because your attention is one of your most valuable leadership resources.
And like time, attention is not infinitely expandable. So where you put it determines what gets prioritized, who gets developed, what gets noticed and, ultimately, where you create value.
Which means every yes is also a no.
Yes to another recurring meeting may be no to thinking about your strategy.
Yes to solving your employee's problem may be no to giving them the opportunity to solve it themselves.
Yes to another initiative may be no to executing your most important priorities exceptionally well.
Yes to being endlessly available may be no to arriving at the moments that matter with the energy, perspective and presence people need from you.
Saying no isn't simply a boundary-setting or time-management skill. It's a leadership decision about where your attention can create the greatest value.
Think about two senior leaders.
One is rushing from meeting to meeting. She's always available, copied on everything and regularly steps in to solve her team's problems. She works nights and weekends because there aren't enough hours in the day. Her pace feels frenetic and she often seems distracted.
The other seems less available and says no more often but also seems to align her time with what she believes matters most. She isn't in every meeting. She expects her people to make decisions without her. When you're with her, she's calm, curious and fully present.
Which leader would you rather work with? Who would you rather be?
We've created a strange relationship with busyness in which being in demand can feel like evidence of our importance. But the higher we rise, the more we are valued for our judgment and ability to focus our attention on the priorities that will drive the best results.
So how do we get more comfortable saying no?
For starters, accept that saying no is going to be uncomfortable. People will be disappointed. Some will push back. But the goal isn't to make saying no comfortable. It's to bring the full value you have to offer and step up as the leader you aspire to be.
Here are two questions to help you decide "yes" or "no":
1. Why am I saying yes?
With every request or urge you have to jump into something, ask yourself: Does this genuinely require my attention? Or am I saying yes because I want to be helpful, avoid disappointing someone, or simply because I've always attended this meeting?
Notice the difference between a yes driven by habit or discomfort and one that is critical to your mandate and success.
2. By saying yes to this, what am I saying no to?
That's where the trade-off becomes visible.
Maybe you're saying no to thinking through an important decision. To a conversation with a key stakeholder. To noticing what's changing around you. Or simply to having enough space to show up calm, thoughtful and fully present for the day ahead.
Suddenly, saying yes doesn't seem like the easier choice.
Because protecting your attention isn't selfish. It's an important part of your job.
Leadership requires us to think, notice, connect the dots, make difficult choices and see what everyone else is too busy to see.
You probably can handle everything being asked of you. But at what cost?
The real leadership choice is deciding what deserves your attention and being willing to protect it.